There aren’t too many questions as challenging as whether or not it is a good idea to stay friends with your ex. It is this polarising because it largely depends on the situation and the people involved. For instance, certain people believe in salvaging the positives and forgetting the negatives while others would rather never look back and hence, choose to move on. There is evidence for both of these arguments, so what then is the answer?

For a question as complicated as that, the answer can be quite simple; only those couples should stay friends for whom it works. What this implies is that a relationship that was toxic, abusive, or manipulative should under no circumstances transition into a friendship. Not only can a friendship like that be a hurdle in your healing process, but can also end up being unnecessarily messy or even painful. However, if your relationship was mostly healthy and ended on good terms, it is perfectly reasonable to be friends. If you parted ways because of the realization that a romantic relationship won’t work between you two, and if your ex is still someone you have shared interests, values, and experiences with, giving it up can be like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

So, how exactly can you be friends with an ex?

  • The first step would be to not rush into a friendship. It is crucial to take time to process and accept the end of the romantic aspect of the relationship. Time heals, so it can be very beneficial for a friendship in the future to take some time and space apart.

  • The next step would be to ensure that you have both not only accepted that the relationship is really over but have also emotionally moved on from it. This means that the relationship feels energetically similar to other friendships and you are no longer dependent on one another. Your relationship should be different now that you are not dating.

  • The third step would be to reset boundaries. It can be very important to reassess how you communicate with one another so you don’t fall back into old habits that are similar to how you used to communicate while you were still in a relationship.

  • Finally, remember that respect and dignity are non-negotiable. Ensure that you treat them and the friendship with the same respect that you expect from them. Moreover, you need to accept that at times, if boundaries aren’t upheld and respect is lacking, you will need to reassess the friendship and maybe even end it.

Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.

About MindTribe.in.

MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.

About the Author.

Hafsa Murtza is a counselor at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.

Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.