Ever felt that? Well, there is a difference between wanting to be liked and the need to be liked; the former comes from a place of social likeability and creating a positive impression on people, but the latter points at dependency- a person requires others to like them or approve of them to improve their self-impression even when they dislike the other.
Winning people over and having a likable impression is a common human emotion, but at the same time one may not like a person entirely. There are parts we dislike about people, even those we love dearly. Wanting to be liked by those we dislike may stem from a range of reasons – attaching your self-worth to people’s approval of you and people’s disapproval or rejection beginning to feel like you aren’t worthy enough or are lacking. When this want becomes necessary, it transforms into a need.
Another area of this need can be found when a person derives power when they dislike others, having control over the situation and one’s opinion of others. When others start to do the same, which is to show dislike, the power dynamic begins to shift and the feeling of vulnerability creeps in. Therefore, to maintain power and control, one seeks the liking of others even when they dislike them, as an assurance that they own the narrative.
Being liked by others is a sign of acceptance, pleasant personality, and approval of their conduct. This helps improve self-image, but when people dislike us, it hurts the ego, makes one feel inadequate which may be unpleasant and even more difficult to handle for those who seek others’ approval to be happy. The wish to seek approval or what we commonly call ‘people pleasing’ indicates one’s want for reassurance that they are on the right track and so one starts craving it. One may not even like the other person but wishes to seek their likeness as it enhances the idea of themselves.
Winning other’s approval may also be taken upon as a challenge. Some people are driven by challenges and others’ dislike towards them motivates them to make the shift happen. It starts a chase and the feeling of fulfillment often forms a pattern. This could also mean that they would expect the same if they were on the other end of such a situation.
While being liked and liking others helps us maintain social equilibrium,
Accepting and being okay with the knowledge that someone may dislike us or a part of us and vice versa helps maintain personal equilibrium.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
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About the Author.
Vritti Kapoor is a psychologist at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.