“Fighting and railing against a situation is a greater cause of suffering than the situation itself.“
Radical acceptance is the ability to accept things that are outside of our control as they are, without wanting to change or alter them. By letting go of things that are not (and never were) in our hands and refocusing on the things that are, we stop our pain from turning into suffering.
The core idea of radical acceptance has its roots in Buddhist thought, specifically the tenet: “the root of suffering is attachment”. Whether it be our attachment to an idea (“this is not fair”), an outcome (“things shouldn’t be like this”), or a situation (“bad things always happen to me”), a refusal to accept reality only adds to our disappointment in the first place. By letting go, we free ourselves from fixating on one single possibility and learn to look beyond. We also free up the energy we were using to fight reality and redirect it to taking better care of ourselves.
While simple to understand, this can be a notoriously challenging skill to master. Especially in situations where we have little to no control (such as being stuck in the middle of a global pandemic), ignorance can be less painful than acknowledgement. We may start thinking that by accepting the pain, we are in some way condoning it or agreeing with it. However, this is a severely limited view of things. By going beyond, we are choosing to prioritise long-term satisfaction over short-term pleasure. We are choosing to live in the present more mindfully – without anger, bitterness, or denial. It is an act of bravery, of kindness – to ourselves.
The easiest way of starting on this mindful path is to use coping statements – affirmations that we can give to ourselves whenever we feel overwhelmed. An example of this can be: “I can’t change the things that have happened in the past but can choose my reaction to them in the present.” Here, we are acknowledging our pain without letting it confine us. We are choosing life over fantasy.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
About MindTribe.in.
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About the Author.
Pranav Arora is a psychologist at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about him by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.