Boundaries are the limits we create with other people, indicating what we consider acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in their interactions with us.
They’re an essential component of healthy mental wellbeing. We have (and give) no concept of what is allowed or expected without them, and we are confused and unsure of what is suitable behaviour without them. Regardless of the nature of the connection, creating boundaries is a crucial, albeit challenging, skill to master.
Blurred family lines have consequences. They can be unpleasant at best, and totally soul-crushing at worst. We’ve all seen examples: nagging siblings, helicopter parents, and grandparents who seize control from the parents.
Setting boundaries with parents, on the other hand, can feel practically impossible. How do we say no to a parent? It has the potential to make us feel like kids once more. Unfortunately, manipulation plays a part in a lot of relationships. The parent desires something, and the adult child is uncomfortable with the demand/request but complies in order to keep the peace.
What Are Some Examples of Unhealthy Boundaries?
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Invading Your Privacy
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Gaslighting
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Lack of Regard for Your Emotional Well-Being
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Attempting to Control You
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Lack of Consistent Boundaries
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Poor Communication
When we set boundaries, we frequently feel guilty or as though we are rejecting someone. You’re actually rejecting a behaviour, not a person. Boundaries actually assist in the development of more secure and healthy relationships. Issues in families are usually caused by a lack of boundaries. If someone consistently exceeds your limit after you’ve set one, it’s time to make a more serious decision.
How to Set A Boundary With a Family Member
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Determine what is causing you discomfort.
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The urge for boundaries usually stems from a point of disrespect. You must consider what is causing you pain in the relationship. If your first instinct is everything, slow down, and consider the situation. Do you have the impression that the other person does not value your time? Your graciousness? Your home? Do you have the impression that the other person is unconcerned with your feelings, your spouse, or your job? Make an effort to focus on the exact aspects ahead of time.
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Pick a Time that is both neutral and convenient for your discussion.
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Establishing your limits in the middle of a fight may sound like a good idea, but it rarely works. When your emotions are already heightened, you don’t want to emphasise your wants. You’re more likely to come across as demanding or angry if you do this. Instead, pick a time and place that are both neutral. If you’ve decided to set a boundary following a heated dispute, wait a few days for your emotions to calm down. You should aim for a calm and level-headed dialogue.
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Use I-Statements When Speaking
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When people are frustrated with another person, they frequently make broad generalisations or allegations about their actions. They might say things like “you always” or “you never.” People are irritated and defensive when they hear things like this. I-statements allow you to express yourself without assuming anything about other people. They demand that you take personal responsibility for your actions.
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Validate the Other Person
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People are less inclined to get combative when they feel understood. While a result, as you create boundaries, think about how you want to validate your loved one.
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Be Aware of the Consequences
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Setting a limit without trying to enforce it isn’t enough. Your loved one should, ideally, be able to respect your requirements and make reasonable compromises. This, however, does not always occur, and it is critical to be prepared. You should think about your consequences ahead of time and tell your loved one about them. It’s important to remember that consequences aren’t always synonymous with punishment. They’re just there to remind you of your limits.
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Final Thoughts
Setting limits with family is difficult, but it is necessary for your growth and overall well-being. Someone’s love for you doesn’t give them the right to treat you badly. You have the right to set limits, both physically and emotionally, and it’s crucial to respect them.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
About MindTribe.in.
MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.
About the Author.
Rujusmitaa Panicker is a psychologist at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.