“Too much of anything is bad for you” is a phrase that is familiar to almost everyone. But is it true when we’re talking about positivity and optimism?
Optimism and looking on the bright side of unfortunate situations can guide us out of difficult times. However, positivity can take on a more destructive nature when we begin to force “good vibes” and wilfully ignore any other emotion.
Toxic positivity is the erroneous belief that happiness and other positive emotions are the only emotions worth experiencing. It is also the faulty belief that a positive outlook on everything in life is the solution to all our problems, even physical and psychological problems. Toxic positivity minimizes and invalidates the authentic experience of human emotions, overgeneralizes the notion of thinking positively to a dysfunctional extreme, resulting in denial.
Exercising toxic positivity can have particularly harmful consequences. When reaching out to friends or family members for understanding, empathy or comfort, individuals instead find that their feelings are ignored, brushed off, and in some cases, treated with blatant invalidation. It can instil a sense of shame when a person’s emotions are not validated and that they cannot find love, security, and relief in the presence of friends or family. Toxic positivity can lead to feelings of guilt because if someone cannot be positive all the time, then there is something wrong with them. Lastly, avoiding experiencing feelings does not prepare us to face difficult emotions, and toxic positivity can stunt our ability to grow and gain valuable insight.
The signs of toxic positivity are listed below as:
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Brushing off/dismissing challenges rather than facing them.
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When feeling angry, disappointed or sad makes us also feel guilty.
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Hiding our true feelings.
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Shaming or criticizing other people who cannot maintain a positive attitude.
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Minimizing/dismissing the emotions of other people because you are uncomfortable.
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Trying to move on instead of processing negative emotions.
We can avoid toxic positivity by using some of the following tips:
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Being aware of your emotions. Feeling guilty or shameful after opening up to a friend or family member, or when you happen upon uplifting or positive pasts in social media platforms could mean that you’re using toxic positivity.
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Offer support or listen to others. Focus on assuring them and validating their feelings instead of shaming them or shutting them down.
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Feeling more than one thing is normal. There will times when you will feel more than one, often contradictory, feelings about a situation. That is okay because emotions are complex.
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Have realistic expectations of yourself. Fear, worry, anger are emotions that everyone feels when under stress. You, too, will feel the same. Expecting too much from yourself will end up hurting you. In times like these, focus on taking care of yourself.
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Accept and process your negative emotions. When negative emotions go unresolved, they can add to the stress you might already be feeling. They can, however, provide valuable insight into your life.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
About MindTribe.in.
MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.
About the Author.
Shwetha Varshini is a psychologist at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.