First, let us understand there are no set of rules to categorize reasons for break up as “right” or “wrong”. The most common reasons why relationships end is infidelity, lack of emotional intimacy, too many differences in life goals, unhealthy conflict resolution, abuse etc. Break ups are hard, but sometimes what is harder is the aftermath of it. The journey from break up to acceptance where you finally move on can be challenging and emotionally exhausting.
Here are the most common stages of break up:
Denial: This is usually the first stage where you try to minimize the feeling of losing your partner. You feel numb. This is an attempt to pretend it didn’t happen and also not to face what is happening around. Denial helps you to pace the feeling of loss.
Anger: In this stage the denial has faded and rage has set in. This in fact is a necessary stage of breaking up. It may seem exhausting at times, but remember to truly feel your anger as it gives you a structure for healing
Bargaining: Here, you are aware there is nothing that can be done to have a better outcome, so directing requests to a “higher” power to minimise the pain of loss. Guilt is often accompanied in this stage, so you start focusing on your faults, the “if onlys’, think you could have done things differently. Bargaining is a helpless attempt to have control over things that feels out of control.
Depression: As the sadness grows, bargaining seems less of an option. You tend to become less sociable, and loneliness sets in. As you start looking more into the reality, this is probably the hardest stage and can be extremely isolating.
Acceptance: This does not mean there is no more pain of separation, it only means that you have stopped struggling to cope. You are no longer resisting reality and have learnt to accept life without the other person and move on.
All these stages can be physically and emotionally taxing. However, these survival mechanisms are essential. Instead of denying, listen to your feelings. Give yourself time to heal, so that you can move on and grow.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
About MindTribe.in.
MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.
About the Author.
Lakshmi is a psychologist at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.