Children confine themselves within their parents to provide love and comfort. They turn to their parents who can ‘protect’ them from the harsh realities of the world. But what happens when children experience the loss of parent/s at a young age?
Prior to about three years of age, children’s cognitive and language development is too immature to have a concept of death. Only the older children can understand the irreversibility and complexity of death. Abandonment, dependency on relatives, or orphanages after the death of parents can increase the chances of childhood abuse and neglect.
The pandemic has wrecked families all over the world. Alone in India, there are about 9,346 children who lost their parent/s or were abandoned as reported by the National Commission for Protection of child rights till 29th May 2020. The actual number might be higher.
Short term consequences of experiencing death of a parent or both the parents in childhood-
1. Inadequate care- Losing a parent at an early age can increase the chances of inadequate care, which means the basic and emotional needs of children are not fulfilled, which can result in malnutrition, low immunity, low self-esteem amongst others.
2. Lack of appropriate development- Parents provide an enriching environment for children to have a steady physical, mental and socio-emotional growth and development. When a child loses either one or both the parents, it impacts the whole ecosystem of the child which might lack appropriate care.
3. Forced to grow up and take responsibilities too soon – Death of parent/s can come with a financial burden where children are forced to start working too soon. Many children from low socio-economic backgrounds are forced to take up menial jobs to survive.
4. Lower chances of academic success- Researchers have found that experiencing parental death at an early age can have a negative impact on child’s future academic success. (berg et al.,2014; Amato and Antony 2014)
5. Mental health disorders- Children become at higher risk of developing mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Symptoms of childhood depression include sleeplessness or excessive sleep, aggression, frequent complaints about physical pain like headache and stomach-ache which do not become better with treatment, guilt, social withdrawal, and decreased performance in school amongst others.
Long term consequences of experiencing death of a parent or both the parents in childhood-
1. Regression – An adult who experienced loss of parent/s during childhood may seem to develop as an insecure and immature adult. Regression simply means retreating to an earlier stage of life.
2. Impact on future relationships- A child whose parents die at an early age thinks that they have purposely abandoned the child. The child is at risk of developing an insecure attachment style, which causes poor ‘socioemotional affects,’ may become too clingy, or display selfish or manipulative behaviors when feeling emotionally venerable in their adult relationships. Childhood trauma and sexual abuse can also cause sexually risky behaviors like indulging in unprotected sex, being non-assertive in refusals.
3. Drug or alcohol abuse- Researchers have found that early parental death increases the likelihood of substance abuse. This can be due to neglect in the early years, lack of awareness, wrong peer group, or even a negative coping technique.
4. Adult psychopathology- Childhood parental loss can significantly contribute to the development of psychopathology in adulthood including mood disorders like depression and anxiety.
What should you do if you know a child who has lost both his parents-
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Call on the ChildLine at 1098 – An emergency number operated by Childline India Foundation in collaboration with the Ministry of women and child development.
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Consult a child psychologist/ mental health professional- Managing Mental Health and Behavioral Challenges are extremely important. If you are the legal guardian (perhaps a grandparent or a blood relative) and observe challenging behaviors like aggression, hurting other people, social isolation and withdrawal in the child or perhaps PTSD, anxiety depression-like symptoms, you should consult a child psychologist or a child mental health professional.
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Make sure the child understands that it is not their fault and they are not to blame- It is not uncommon to see a child blame themselves for the death of a parent and feel extremely guilty about it. Reassure the child the it was not his fault that his parents passed away. It was the pandemic. Answer to whatever questions they might have about their parents. Address the child’s emotional and basic biological needs. Make the child feel loved, safe and protected.
Losing a parent at any age is a painful event, more so for children as they are extremely vulnerable. If you are a legal guardian, an ally, or a well-wisher of the child who has lost their parents to COVID-19, never circulate pictures and details of the child on social media and similar platforms appealing for adoption, even if you have the best of intentions. It can put the life of the child at risk and the child can become a victim of human trafficking or child labor. Instead, call on ChildLine 1098. Additionally, it is extremely important to address the psychological and emotional needs of children who have lost either one or both their parents to COVID-19 and look out for symptoms of a possible mental health condition such as depression, anxiety and PTSD.
Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.
About MindTribe.in.
MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.
About the Author.
Aneesha Behl is a team member at MindTribe.in. You can learn more about her by clicking here
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of MindTribe.in, the Founders, or management team.
Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.